


Heart

by PTchan



Series: Ghoul!Hide Week 2016 [1]
Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: 2nd person POV, Alternate Universe, Angst, Dark, F/M, GhoulHideWeek2016, Gore, M/M, Pain, Read at Your Own Risk, They met a lot later, Tragedy, Unrequited Love, ghoul!Hide, no happiness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-03
Updated: 2016-01-03
Packaged: 2018-05-11 10:44:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5624224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PTchan/pseuds/PTchan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>Still, you wonder.</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><em>If you give him your heart, will he take it?</em><br/> </p><p>  <strong>Ghoul!Hide Week 2016, Day 1 - Heart/Love</strong></p>
            </blockquote>





	Heart

He smiles at you again today, small and shy, and you feel yourself smile back as bright and sunny as the day you met him.

Your chest burns as it always does when he is near. You feel the way your pulse picks up speed. You feel the way your lungs constrict, and suddenly it hurts to breath.

But you don’t mind. You don’t mind because you are happy.

You love him. You’ve long since realized and accepted that wholeheartedly.

But you never tell him. You keep those thoughts and feelings to yourself. You keep yourself at a respectable distance.

Because he is human, pure and innocent; and you, stained with blood and death, are a ghoul.

Before you met him, you were nothing but a monster who smiles only to deceive, who kills without a second thought and feeds on the remains while laughing at those stupid enough to fall for your trap without even a second thought.

Now, after being granted the honour of looking into his kind silver eyes, having that warm smile shine upon you, that soft voice call your name and label you his _best friend_ , you are disgusted by your past self.

He is the moon that shines in the darkness that is your life. The northern star that guides your every day. The sun that you would burn to see.

You love him with your everything, but you can never tell him. Because in the end, you know that no matter what you do, you can never be redeemed.

Still you often wonder, if you give him your heart, will he take it?

-

-

One day, he tells you he’s in love.

She is a beautiful woman who shares his love of books in a way you never could, illiterate as you are. Her laugh is like bell chimes in the summer wind, her eyes like lilacs and lavenders, her smile as soft and sweet as his own.

The moment she walks through those doors you feel your whole world shatter around you.

He is happy, happier than you’ve ever seen him when she smiles at him. His smile is brighter, his cheeks flushing a red you’re never seen before, and you know that you have lost.

You flash him your biggest grin as you stand to leave, even as your heart breaks little by little.

You never deserved him, you remind yourself.

You, with dirty hands and fake smiles and an unforgiveable appetite. You, who pretends to be something you can never become. You, a liar, a murderer, a _monster—_

-

-

They started going out after that, and you simply watch from the shadows as they laugh happily by each other’s sides while you lose the ability to do so yourself.

You distance yourself from him then.

Still he would approach you to ask what’s wrong, and you simply smile, say it’s ‘nothing’, and that you’ve just become a bit too busy with ‘work’ you never had.

You can’t tell him that it hurts. That you’re scared. That every time you see him, you see her –you see that woman’s body contorted in fear and pain, bleeding and broken by your feet; you see yourself tearing into her flesh, ripping out all her organs and feasting on her body.

And then you see him, staring at you with those eyes you love most, wide with fear and betrayal and disgust and _hate and you can’t_ – ** _can’t_** _—_ bear the thought.

So you stay away. You stay away from him and her and everyone and everything so you won’t be tempted to hurt anyone.

It hurts. It hurts but you can take it.

You know you deserve to be punished, but you’d take anything but his hate.

-

-

It was only a matter of time, you think, as your chest splits open from a Quinque’s blade.

You were at the wrong place at the wrong time. The CCG investigators finding you instead of the stronger A rated ghoul they were after.

You try to fight back, but in the end you’re too hungry. You weren’t given enough time to eat.

And as the blood poured from the gaping wound you know would be impossible to heal, you turn tail and run. You don’t know if it’s whether your luck was good or bad when the ghoul they were after appeared and they let you go.

You don’t know whether you are stupid or desperate when you found yourself sliding down the wall of the alley just next to where he lived.

All you know is that, in the end, in your final seconds in this world, you want to see him.

Your chest is an open cavity when he walks past that alleyway, and you choke out a laugh when you realized the irony of it all.

He freezes when his eyes land on you, those beautiful silver orbs you love so so much growing wide in terror, shock and disbelief, maybe even disgust, and you smile because it’s expected.

But still, you are pleased to find there is no hate. At least, not from what your failing eyes can see, and that is enough for you.

He takes in your state, from your monstrous eyes to your blood-soaked clothes to the gaping wound in your chest. And you see the moment he realizes just what it is he’s looking at.

He doesn’t run away.

Your chest burns, as it always does when he is near.

You feel the way your pulse picks up speed, your blood rushing out in perfect rhythm, trickling down your already soaked clothes to join the growing puddle underneath you. You feel the way your lungs constrict in your chest, pushing against your cracked ribcage until the bones pierce the flesh and liquid pours in and it hurts, _hurts,_ to breathe.

But you don’t mind. You don’t mind because still you are happy.

You know he can see it. See everything you have hidden from him for as long as you can remember. See it in every beat of your completely visible heart, in every breath your bleeding lungs take, in the way you can’t tear your kakugan away from him…

You love him. You’ve long since realized and accepted that wholeheartedly, even if you know he will never love you back.

But you wonder even now, as the darkness creeps around the edges of your vision and his form becomes too blurry for you to discern anymore…

If you had given him your heart, would he have taken it?

**Author's Note:**

> Yes... apparently I _can_ write stuff like this too... (omg what did I just write *sobslikehell*)  
>  *cough*  
> So because Ghoul!Hide week was extended (YAY!) I have decided to write XDD  
> *looksatfic* ...although maybe that's not a good thing.......


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